I Hope I Do ‘Em Right

There are many problems I have on hand now. They are getting on my nerve because there isn’t much I can do just as yet. Scholarship is irritating the hell out of me, it’s giving my brain the freeze when I imagine the “what if” of not getting scholarship. So many rounds and each round I do not know if I have done the things right until they contact me. Each day, as the clock ticks away, the hope ebbs away too. For each minute of delay means lesser the chance of getting through to the next round.

Sometimes I hold confidence in myself, knowing that I have the abilities but I will ask myself, again, on what basis can I say that I’m better than the others when I don’t the other candidates? Also, even if I’m better, the interviewers would not know sometimes because somehow, what I say or do are just not their cup of tea. I just wish that they will tell me right on the spot if I’m chosen or not and release me from the agony of hoping and anticipating and yet doubting my own ability more as the time goes by.

My mother is not helping at all by questioning me how I’ve done, what other people are doing and such. What is the point of knowing what other people have done, can’t she just wait till I get a definite answer of “have scholarship” or “have no scholarship” before making any decisions? Not only so, she keep on putting down on my chose of study. Harping on “who and who chose to be doctor”, “who and who chose law”, they have better career, they have better future, they are better than me in summary. Who is to say which career is better? Better pay? Better “social status”? Being an Engineer, a Chemical Engineer, is of lower status than a doctor or a lawyer? Only they are high and mighty? If law and doctor are things that I do not like and I know I can’t excel, then why can’t I choose a path where I can do better and I am more comfortable with? Tsk, I want to punch something now.

COSPLAY

Ok, there is a lot to be done from what I see in the costumes that have arrive. Overall, the quality is very good for all costumes. Colour and design wise are also accurate to what I have provided, they have done their best in providing what I want. Just tiny details need to be amended.

Missing items:

• Wigs (Keika, Momiji/Wolfram, Yukimura)

• Elf ears (for Keika, my supplier said she sent it with the katanas, I didn’t see at all… so maybe I accidentally threw away? Damn. I remembered I accidentally threw away a long red wig before too. Shoot me, people.)
• Prop (Sasuke’s toy)
• Lolita pannier and Maryjanes

Ziqi said she would help me talk to the shipping company, I hope she get back to me soon because she seldom comes online nowadays as she does not have internet connection at home now.

Things Needing of Modification/Done:

• Sasuke: make clogs, black tabi socks, yellow sash; top is too big but sent for alteration already
• Momiji: decided to only do the pink version, shorten the brown pants, style wig when it comes
• Hani: find pink shirt to wear inside, remove stripes from pants
• Wolfram: get white shirt, improve the necktie, collar chain, secure collar, boot covers, secure slanted belt
• Keika: black turtleneck top, remove badge and re-do with cardboard, shorten belts, add cloth bands to secure belts, style wig when it comes
• Lolita: shorten skirt if possible

So many things need to be done. I hope to do Momiji/Hani in May the latest, Sasuke and Keika in June and for Cosfest, Wolfram in June/August depending on photoshoot and Coscon.

I need to test out chest bindings too. Argh! So many things to do and so little time. So many things to worry and I can’t seem to get anything solved until scholarship problem is settled. Grrr.

Ah, I need to sort out my Hana Monogatari fanfic storyline and continue with Silver Diamond scanlation.

~ by haerjun on April 28, 2008.